Patrick Regan's An Old-Fashioned Christmas PDF

By Patrick Regan

ISBN-10: 0740798561

ISBN-13: 9780740798566

Not anything captures the magic of Christmas just like the drooling face of a kid and a cheap-ass little faux tree. —An out of date Christmas

within the culture of vacations on Ice and undesirable Santa, Patrick Regan counters saccharine seasonal sentiment with a dose of holiday-noir.

have in mind Christmases of outdated? less complicated instances, whilst four-year-old orphans have been used for industry examine and Santa may perhaps name an attractive elf candy Cheeks and never get slapped with a sexual harassment suit?

In an old style Christmas, writer Patrick Regan collects photos from the golden days of Christmas and pairs them with wryly sardonic captions to supply a reminder of what Christmas is actually all about-namely, hobos, orphans, boozed-up Santas, pill-popping housewives, and the shattered desires of lovable children.

enthusiasts of Regan's The booklet of undesirable conduct will take twisted savor his skewering of the main adored (and overstuffed) vacation of all. The Forties, '50s, and '60s-vintage images are unusual sufficient on their lonesome, but if Regan's caustic captions begin flying, no culture is secure from mockery.

Christmas simply ain't what it was, and judging from the subversive gem stones during this extra naughty-than-nice ebook, we must always all be tremendous thankful for that.

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Sample text

The crazier they get, the more I go Zen. To be honest I’m about this close to just getting up and leaving, because the last thing I need on a Sunday morning is to be sitting here getting sprayed with spit and seeing my own boardroom—which I designed myself, as a personal homage to Walter Gropius—being polluted by the stink of Windows laptops. Moreover, everyone here knows that Sunday morning is my Ultimate Frisbee league and nothing, I mean nothing, messes with my Ultimate. It’s sacred. To show that I am here under protest, I’m wearing the uniform of the Apple Ultimate Frisbee team—black shorts, black socks, black shoes, and a black mock turtleneck T-shirt with a tiny black Apple logo silk-screened on the shirt, a half shade darker than the shirt itself, so that you can barely see it.

He can put you in jail. And this is something he wants very much to do. “He wants to run for governor,” Tom says. ” Tom’s idea is that we should conduct our own investigation. This makes us look like we’re taking this seriously and doing our best to get to the bottom of it. But it also lets us control the pace. “We need to get out ahead of this thing,” he says. Tom has retained a team of lawyers to do the job. He brings them in and introduces them. The one in charge is about sixty years old, with gray hair and very scary Paul Newman–style steel blue eyes.

Silent. Like a friggin tomb, I told them. Yet there’s this whirring in the walls as if we’re up in a jet at thirty thousand feet. How am I supposed to concentrate? This is how I’m supposed to work? I can’t even hear myself think. Paul stands there, sweat beading on his monstrous forehead, his chest still heaving from the exertion of walking down the hall ten minutes ago, or maybe from the extremely hard work of having to stand up instead of sitting down. He won’t even look at me; instead he’s taking a great interest in the carpet, which, to be fair, is an exquisitely soft carpet that was hand-woven, hand-tufted and hand-dyed by master Tibetan craftspeople who are living in exile in Nepal.

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An Old-Fashioned Christmas by Patrick Regan

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